Change
I know I’m not the first to say it But change is scary and hard to deal with Instead of packing I've learned to knit And I know the emails I have skipped This change is just a pursuit of time A few days more on this same line I stray away from the college freshman I’m Retreating to younger me, when high school was fine An adult now, what do I do Away from everything I once knew I’ll be doing what I love, what I hope to pursue Yet I can’t fathom doing it away from you Away from 3-year-old me, who danced in the living room Away from 6-year-old me, easily entertained by a balloon Away from 9-year-old me, who by her first crush she was consumed Away from 12-year-old me, who watched comedy specials in the afternoon Away from 15-year-old me, who learned to love how she grew in her bedroom Towards 18-year-old me, someone I don’t yet know 18-year-old me with still more ways tomorrow grow 18-year-old me with more drive and passion than could ever be foretold 18-year-old me with more insecurities to unfold I’m grateful for my past years that they not leave me numb From the older me, I’ve become
Loud
Loud
Looking around me I wonder how I have friends
Outside looking in and hearing my grating voice
Under my skin I feel like an imposter
Destined to shout from the rooftops whatever I think
Laughter is something I desperately want to hear
Only hoping someone can be jovial in my presence
Unassuming I am, though I act as if I’m not
Determined to prove something and to make something of myself
Loud. It echoes in my ear
Oxygen, I claw for oxygen as I am suffocated
Unabashedly I know what I am
Decried by my own voice, I betray myself
I wish I could learn to shut up
I wish I knew when to stop talking
I wish I could stop doubting whether I force my friends to be there
I wish I didn’t have to hear myself speak
I wish my lips knew when to zip
I wish my brain was faster than my mouth
I wish my volume was quieter than a mouse
I wish people noticed me for more than my words
And I wish
I wish
I wish I wasn’t so Loud.
Moya Williams is a freshman Theatre Performance major from the Bronx, New York. As an only child, Moya found solace in the hidden complexities of poetry. With the hectic schedule of a student at Wagner College, Moya has turned to writing and journaling to be able to understand her emotions. Besides writing, Moya enjoys analyzing books with her friends and working on the podcast she shares with another freshman Theatre Performance major Carina Perez, Kings of Konversation. Her piece “Loud” stems from being in an overwhelming situation and feeling as though you yourself were the reason you are overwhelmed.